How Can I Help You to Say Goodbye?

Last Monday night I took this picture while bringing Riley home from kickboxing class:

She's doing well and really enjoying kickboxing, which is ironic because she only initially tried it at Kassie's behest (since Kassie was too afraid to go by herself), and now Kassie seems to hate going, while Riley considers it the highlight of her day!

We went again on Tuesday evening, and then on our way home we stopped at the Oxford to visit my mom for her birthday.

She's not doing great. Her speech has continued to decline since we last saw her, and she had trouble placing Riley at first, and also recognizing Taylor when we brought her in over the phone.

But I'm glad she was at least awake this time and that we got to see her on her birthday: I found out later in the week that my uncle and my sister had been on their way to see her that afternoon, and my uncle's car ended up breaking down on the highway just a few miles away. They waited five hours for a tow truck and ultimately never got there to see her!

Here's me and Riley holding my mom's hand:

Wednesday evening, I took another picture of the sunset after kickboxing:

And then again on Thursday:

On Saturday, Riley decided to get an alternative angle:

She and Kassie (and Kassie's parents) spent a week on Anna Maria Island off the west coast of Florida!

Their house had a pool in the backyard, and close proximity to the beach and the Gulf (of Mexico or America, depending who you ask).

They even went horseback riding in the water! 🤩

But that's okay, because Kevin and I had our own fun back here in Pennsylvania: We went to Catherine and Ron's for dinner Saturday evening, and then on Sunday we went to BJs and Office Depot before deciding to cheat on Riley at Raising Cane's. 😛

Here's me giving Kevin "the middle frynger" because I didn't want my picture taken:

Then a few hours later I sent him this amazing park job at the grocery store. I'm pretty sure we have totes in our closet that are bigger than that car, so I don't understand what people find so difficult about parking:

The evening of Monday the 17th, it looked like we were really about to get walloped with a nice thunderstorm. I set my phone on the window sill in the living room and took a ten minute video that Kevin condensed into a time-lapse:

But for all that lightning and darkness, we never got a single drop of rain! 🤷‍♀️

Catherine and Ron said they got a lot though, and that proved helpful when Kevin went over there on Tuesday to rip out all the pumpkin plants that have been steadily taking over our garden and choking out everything we actually planted:

I headed there after work as well, because we had plans to take Catherine and Ron out for a long overdue Father's Day dinner. (They went away on vacation right after Father's Day, so we had told Ron we'd take them out when they returned... and then between my new job, Riley starting kickboxing, and other stuff, time just got away from us!)

Kevin has had a Chinese restaurant called Stone Wok on his radar since Paula took him and Joe there probably way back in November or December: Ron likes Chinese food and had been unhappy with his "usual" place recently, so Kevin was really looking forward to taking him to Stone Wok.

Bu when we got there and parked and walked up to the front doors, we saw the hours posted on the glass:

Monday: 11 AM - 9:30 PM
Tuesday: CLOSED
Wednesday: 11 AM - 9:30 PM
Thursday: 11 AM - 9:30 PM
Friday: 11 AM - 10 PM
Saturday: 11 AM - 10 PM
Sunday: 11 AM - 9:30 PM

For no reason at all, the owners had said to themselves, What about running on Chick-fil-A time, but on Tuesdays?

So, Kevin asked whether his parents had been to the Warminster West Diner since the remodel a couple years back, and they couldn't remember if they had or not, so we decided to go there instead.

It was a lovely evening, and Wednesday was shaping up to be just as lovely too. Kevin snapped this photo late in the afternoon:

Then a little while later, just as he and I were sitting down to dinner, I had a call from my sister, and I knew the reason before I even answered the phone...

Our mom had passed away.

Sandy told me it had actually happened the evening before, but our uncle Kevin had only just called her right now, and she hung up with him so she could call me.

I left my dinner sitting on the table and ran down to my car to speed over to the Oxford in the hopes that they hadn't already thrown away all of my mom's things!

When I got there, the entire staff was very sympathetic and accommodating: One woman told me that she had been the one to bring my mom dinner around 6:00 the evening before. She told me my mom had been awake and pleasant, and had thanked her for the food and taken a few bites. And then when the woman returned about 45 minutes later, my mom had already passed in her sleep.

The staff also told me that my uncle had been in earlier that day to sign some paperwork, and had left without taking anything at all with him. So, they were fine with me taking whatever I wanted... and so I took everything. (One man graciously offered me an enormous duffel bag that's probably big enough for me to get inside and zip it closed.)

I specifically wanted my mom's clothes and blankets because I know of a local small business who will take those things and turn them into teddy bears, so hopefully I can have a bear made for myself, my sister, and each of the grandchildren.

I also brought home the "birthday cake" my mom's brother Oscar down in Florida had sent her the week prior:

We've lost so many of my mom's things over the years, between her hoarding, or my sister pawning things to fuel her addiction when she was still heavy into the drugs, or just damage from water or mold or pests.

There's really almost nothing left. But we were able to find a few photographs.

Here's my mom in high school, and again at 28 just after giving birth to my little sister:

It's incredible how much she looks like Riley and Taylor here!

And here's a much later one of my mom having lunch with her half sister Eileen, as well as a poem my sister found that I had written when I was a lot younger. (Not an original writing and not in the best shape, but it's one of the few things that survived my mom's messy house.)

I'm still trying to process my emotions. There's a lot of turmoil between me and my mom that I already knew I'd never get closure on once her mind first started to go, but at the same time... it's my mom, and she's gone.

And then I had to call the girls, because I can't trust my sister not to blab it them first. So, while Taylor's in a low place dealing with all this Ahlina drama, and Riley's in the middle of a once in a lifetime vacation, I had to break the news to them.

And then there's my sister, who by most counts had been doing extraordinarily well over the past year or so: She had been working as the deli manager at a ShopRite, and then when ShopRite recently decided to build a new store, they offered her the role of general manager once the store opens!

And, after being told a couple years ago that she had months to live if she didn't quit the excessive alcohol consumption, she really seemed to have buckled down and cut a lot of that out. But now she's been drunk around the clock trying to drown her grief for the past couple days, and she's told me several times that she can literally feel her liver physically aching.

She has at least taken the initiative to check herself back into rehab to help her get through this loss though.

But please keep her, and her sons, and my girls, and the rest of our family in your prayers 🙏