Cutting the Mustard: Two Turds, One Stone

As a reminder, we closed out July with Athennia stepping into her new managerial role as a cleanroom supervisor—and with Taylor's ex-girlfriend Ahlina growing dangerously more volatile by the day.

After about 37 minutes' worth of supervision, Athennia's new boss decided it was time to take off the training wheels and hand her the reins as he ducked out for a week-long vacation—leaving her to hold down a fort that's a little rough around the edges!

And, of course, Ahlina still needed to be high-fived... in the face... with a brick.

So, most of this first week of August has been the 5'1" ball of rage that is my wife, roundhousing bofa deez mofos smack in their figurative left temples with stone-cold fury and a can-do attitude.

The world may have even pooped itself a little bit in surprise.

Turd #1: Ahlina

On the evening of Saturday the 1^st, Athennia rented an SUV, drove up to Connecticut, and took Taylor to Wal-Mart to procure trash bags and various cleaning chemicals in such industrial-sized quantities that the cashier who rang them up must've surely thought that these lovely ladies were off to cook some meth and chop up the body of some rival dealer they'd recently iced.

But first—since cooking meth and dismembering a body is hard work—they stopped to grab a forgettable dinner at a forgettable diner before getting a hotel room where they could lay low for the night and rejuvenate with three hours of sleep.

And then, Sunday was non-stop work from dawn 'til dusk: Athennia and Taylor shifted all of Taylor's things out of the joint storage unit she had with Ahlina, and into a new unit of her own. Then they cleaned out 90% of Taylor's things from the girls' cockroach-infested slum apartment—bagging everything in trash bags so that any bugs stowed away inside will eventually die of heat, cold, dehydration, or starvation while all those bags also sit at the storage unit for a few months.

In the meantime, we reported last month how Taylor is flourishing at her job, to the point that her boss offered to let her live rent-free on the top floor of the dog-grooming shop just to get Taylor to stay!

This has presented its own challenges—as it's not a private room or a loft like Athennia and I had initially assumed, but rather just another area of the grooming business itself. Nevertheless, it's going well all in all, since it allows Taylor to get away from Ahlina while remaining up in Connecticut at a job that she adores... something that, for the time being, she would've had no way of achieving otherwise.

The best part is that Ahlina somehow remains completely oblivious to this development: She is still under the impression that she got to stick it to Taylor last month when she and Jolie (Ahlina's mom) kicked Taylor out of Jolie's apartment—under the assumption that Taylor had nowhere to go except to the girls' infested apartment.

But now, Jolie is looking to vacate her apartment in the very near future (to move into her boyfriend's mom's basement, I've been told)... and Ahlina doesn't earn anywhere near enough to swing that rent on her own... which means that she'll be the one with no place to go except to the infested apartment!

But, of course, Taylor hasn't been staying there at all, and the place is still positively crawling with roaches. God, I wish I could get myself a carnival funnel cake and just stand there at the door to see the look on her face whenever she eventually has to face the music.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Meanwhile, Ahlina and her mother have taken to altering the terms of the girls' lease to demote Taylor from a tenant to a mere occupant—which would have legally required a signature that Taylor knows she never provided... and would therefore constitute fraud in the event that Ahlina or Jolie decided to go ahead and forge it.

Moreover, since Ahlina continues to weaponize the car she and Taylor bought together—on which they qualified for financing exclusively because of Taylor's 750+ credit score—Athennia and Taylor are also looking into taking advantage of the very favorable state laws Connecticut has on the books, as far as arguing that Ahlina and her parents coerced Taylor into putting her name on that car loan while never having any intention of actually letting her drive it—or even of keeping Ahlina's word that she would continue to bring Taylor to and from work after kicking her out of Jolie's apartment.

Really, we just want Taylor's name taken off of everything that's not hers, and we want Ahlina to keep her grubby Connecticunt paws away from our daughter's throat.

We really couldn't give any less of a shit what happens to her beyond that; but, we can certainly drag her into court and have a judge smack her around a bit, if that's what it takes to get it through her stupid fat head.

Fortunately, the girls' coworkers are all now clued into reality as well; and, when viewing Ahlina through a lens of fresh perspective, the other girls at the shop have begun to notice that she's not as pleasant as they used to think she was.

Their boss has been away on vacation, and is getting married and going on her honeymoon in September; but apparently, everyone has started laying the groundwork to make a case for firing Ahlina so they can all just be done with her.

That might take some time yet; but... fingers crossed. 🤞

For now, Taylor's still enamored with the job, and she's learning new things every day. It would appear that she even worked on Ali G's dog...

...so, I reached out to him for an interview, and he had nothing but praise for Taylor...

Bonus Turd #1.5: Athennia's Former Employer

On Wednesday the 5^th while Athennia was at work at her wonderful new job, her former colleague and quasi-boss Brian sent her this fun little gem that Athennia's old CEO Angelique had just published on LinkedIn...

Now, what's wrong with this, you might ask?

Well, nothing really: I mean, this is the Microsoft-owned cesspool that is LinkedIn, where just about everything is over-the-top bullshit posted by people who are desperate to be noticed.

And Angelique is a seasoned over-the-top-bullshit artist who knows how to check all the boxes:

Yeah, no; that's all fine and dandy in the magical LinkedIn milieu of hey, what if there was a Facebook but for the workplace, and people with nothing better to do could go on there and over-inflate the caliber of their mundane achievements while "networking" with other people who are also over-inflating the caliber of their achievements?

No, the truly funny thing about Angelique's post is the attendant picture...

See, at the bottom right we have Kyle, who still works there currently.

Then on the left there's Brandi, who worked there once upon a time but had already quit before Athennia even started back in 2022.

And finally, in the background, there's Mark...

...As in question mark...

...As in, who even is that guy? Because he has never at any point been an employee there.

I guess that Angelique has literally had so many people quit over the past three months that she's been reduced to splicing together pictures of a current employee, a former employee, and a stock photo of a lab tech who never was an employee, into a single image of a nonexistent reality where her company is alive, healthy, and working with cutting-edge AI.

Turd #2: Actual Raw Sewage

At any rate, Angelique's bullshit must have been so thick and gratuitous that it actually backed up the women's bathroom at Athennia's new job an entire county away.

Seriously! Athennia said there was, like, raw sewage bubbling up out of the fixtures in the bathroom on Monday afternoon.

So, in a world where we normally see men dressing up like women so they can play girls' sports and use ladies' bathrooms, this time the ladies got to enjoy the rare privilege of using the men's bathroom—and they didn't even have to redeclare their pronouns to do so...

As a bonus, the men's bathroom is where Bob lives!

In addition to having a thigh gap that many women would starve themselves for, Bob's one hell of a stand-up guy...

And there's also a nifty little phone stand right there in the stall, in case you want to check your email or watch a few episodes of Gilligan's Island while you empty your tank.

Just bear in mind that these toilets are the standard corporate variety: regular unlidded with a high-octane flush. So, if you're gonna set up shop and turn the stall into your own personal little IMAX theater, you have to assume that every square millimeter of every surface in the entire room has been supercharged with a spritz of gonorrhea and E. coli.

Plus, later in the day, she made friends with a chipmunk while she was outside on a break...