Paradise Paradigm and the Dawn of the Dad

Saturday the 17^th, we had plans to drive out to Paradise, PA to check out some display models at Clayton Homes and talk to a salesman named Brody there, with whom I've been corresponding for nearly a month now.

We kicked off the trip with a riveting stop at BJs for gas... and naturally, we were positively overjoyed to discover that literally everyone else in Bucks County had stopped by at that exact moment as well :)

As we pulled in and sat there at a dead stop, Athennia captioned the scene in the most matter-of-fact tone she could...

Little hungry pigs, all lined up to suckle.

It took me a good two minutes to recover from that. I had actual tears in my eyes.

BUT... my joy was to be short-lived, because we made the mistake of getting in line behind Ms. Mercedes, as though there was any chance she had an IQ above nine.

Picture an idiot-savant without the savant part. That was her.

For her first trick, she wanted to pay by credit card but couldn't quite figure out how to slide her card into the one card-sized slot on the entire pump... So, she had to go knock on the glass of the little kiosk, where the 400-pound clerk inside clearly had no intention of coming out to assist her.

So, Athennia got out and walked her through the steps of pumping gas.

For those who might be a bit rusty and could use a refresher, those steps are as follows...

Step 1: Pump the gas.

Mertzie sat there waiting for the pump to magically stop at the arbitrary $30.00 limit she had set exactly nowhere beyond her own mind... and, when the pump finally stopped (because her tank was full), she was flabbergasted to see that it had gone all the way to $43.12.

Personally, I blame BJs for having failed to install the telepathic gas pumps to which this woman has clearly become accustomed.

But, at any rate, if you're flustered by the $13 difference between $30 and $43, maybe a Mercedes is not the ideal car for you? Just sayin'.

Two whole minutes after we'd finally broken free of BJs, this wonderful human being cut us off so she could get onto Route 1 a whopping 0.003 seconds before we did...

In Miss Acurass's defense, she did wave us an apology as we blew by her at warp-speed once we'd made it onto the highway. I guess it's possible she was lost instead of just being a jerk; but, you know what?

Dollars don't replace sense. Go trade your "luxury" car for a brain, moron.

We eventually made it to the turnpike, where we were looking forward to finally being able to cruise out to Paradise at a decent clip... 'cause, you know, that's what turnpikes are billed as being for:

You know how "taxes are what we pay for civilized society" (at least until you examine all the perfectly-civilized countries that don't have an income tax)?

Well, turnpike fees are, allegedly, what we pay for a smooth, headache-free driving experience... at least until you remember how many untolled roads offer a driving experience sans the same old bullshit and infinitely more pleasurable than... well, this...

At long last, we arrived in Lancaster County... where the traffic was light, the scenery was beautiful, and the only horse's asses were the actual horses pulling the Amish people in their buggies :)

...Which meant it was almost time to meet Brody...

...Wait, you guys didn't think I meant Brody; did you?!

No way!

We loved that guy :)

I already knew from our phone and email conversations that he and I have similar senses of humor, and he's highly knowledgeable; but, we were still highly impressed with the depth of his presentation—and the quality of Clayton's building standards.

Clayton has decided to stay ahead of all the pending "net-zero" legislation and building-code changes expected to come down the pipeline in the next few years; so, the majority of their homes are actually better-insulated and more energy efficient than most site-built homes for the time being!

We already knew which house we want—and that it wasn't one of the ones they had on display—so, he showed us a few that are similar in style, and then he showed us this one that's the same square footage (2,000ft.² total, and just under 1,800ft.² in usable space, after subtracting interior walls and such)...

We stopped in Pottsgrove on our way home to drive by a lot I'd been researching, but there was a SOLD sign (which was news to me); so, we didn't bother taking any photos.

When we got home, Riley said she hadn't really eaten all day—and I was pretty hungry as well—so, Athennia suggested that we treat ourselves and eat out somewhere, and call it an early Father's Day dinner.

We settled on IHOP... and, as always, Riley struggled to iSmile for the camera. But, I finally got her to crack...

Finally we were home for the night... and Athennia and Riley decided they just couldn't wait until tomorrow to give me the rest of my presents (having already given me my new office chair last week)...

What a sick candle! Where was this when we were stuck waiting in line at the gas station?!

On Sunday, Riley tried to intimidate me by sending me a picture of Lucky gazing down with a look of stern disapproval...

But, who's lucky now?—when I keep an ace up my sleeve for exactly this kind of scenario!

This little guy is called Domo-kun: He's all bite and no bark... and he had the intended effect ;)

That evening, Athennia prepared a scrumptious home-cooked meal of parmesan-crusted chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, and honey-glazed carrots for our "official" Father's Day dinner...

Athennia took her car into the shop Monday to find out that the Check Engine light had indeed come on because of a failing O2 sensor (which had been killing her gas mileage—but she drives so many miles a day that she hadn't even perceived this).

The mechanic also clued us in to the cracked tie rod we'd apparently just spent four hours driving on at upwards of 90 miles per hour the day before... So, that was fun—finding out we could've died at any moment :)

But, six hours later, Athennia was driving home with a working vehicle, a fresh set of brakes, and a few quarts of fresh oil.

On Tuesday, a guy showed up to repaint the lines in our parking lot.

That isn't especially noteworthy except for the fact that he chased all the nuisance people into other lots—and, even with his compressor running full-speed, he managed to be far quieter than all the people who don't have any reason to hang out just outside our windows.

The rest of the day—and the week—was relatively uneventful... although Athennia did surprise me and Riley later that evening with fried chicken for dinner, and some cheesecake smoothies from Wawa (which they had discontinued but recently brought back).

Then on Friday, she surprised us again and brought home Chinese food for dinner to spare us the effort of having to cook something entirely from scratch.